Friday, April 13, 2012

Tales of Change (but yet the same)

Wow!!!  I can't believe it has been over a year since I blogged.  Life with 3 and a part time spouse (love you honey) sure is busy!!!  A lot has changed in a year, but a lot has stayed the same. I guess back then my need to blog was based on the fact at constestant #3 hardly slept... and yet, somehow, someway, i have seemed to make it to the other side of those dark, devilish days. So, i guess that i one thing i can place in the "changed" column of this new blog edition. Oh shoot, now i just jinxed myself.  Here we go again.

What else has changed, well... kids are older, homework is harder, activities are in full swing here!  Oh, i guess a giant change from last year is that dear baby girl who is an excellent sleeper now (maybe that will unjinx me) is in preschool 3 lovely mornings a week.  Yay for some mommy time!!!   And with that new found mommy time i have decided that i can be, gosh, seems like a curse word amongst the mommywood.. but i'll say it.. a little SELFISH!!  yes, i can finally focus a little bit on me.  Score another point for the change tally!  Now, when i say selfish.. i mean that i am finally starting to place my needs (wants... whatever the proper word is) on the list of to do's. I am still nowhere first, second, or third, clearly.. but I feel good about having been able to start doing something for me again.

Ahhh.. but then those pesky needs versus wants creep up and at times i feel guilty when i do for me.  Not exactly sure why, but that is me. that won't change so may as well not even try to touch on it.  What i have needed to do is start a regular exercise routine. Check another one off for the change box.  I have thrown myself into a wonderful AM ritual that i am super stubborn and cranky about having to give up some days (like today due to school obligations).

Another selfish thing for me is say "NO" to someone who asks... well, in general. I have a hard time not wanting to please people (although i can be a complete bitch too), but on the whole i like to be available to to my family and friends.. well, sometimes i say "YES YES YES" and then need to take a Xanax. So, another change is that i am learning (still nowhere near perfected) but in process of learning my limits.  I'm afraid it will be an ungoing process, so don't hold your breath for the encore performance.

Another change is that i am in complete love with myself... maybe part of selfish phase. I am growing and evolving as a mom, woman and friend daily and i am so proud of how far i have come. Years back i was an insecure, needy, suffocating friend. i had 3 babies and a travelling hubby ( did i ever mentioned he travels???) and i relied a lot, too much on friends, and it was not healthy.. and now.. i hate those people!!!  and, i don't take shit from anyone. we all have stressful lives, whatever your life situation may be. life is hard. period.  and i have decided that if you treat me like shit.. you are out. i am done with people taking their crapola out on me. whether it is about me, or you.. it is not necessary.  I have an awful temper (thanks to my father) but i have learned and am still learning (again, don't hold your breath) on when to control it and who to not take it out on.  Friends are to be there for you, not to be abused by you and i have had one too many friends treat me poorly and i am DONE WITH IT.   ahh.. the power of age and wisdom and independence... which brings me to the only thing that i can think of to place in the "SAME" column for today. my independence...

Yes, a year later I am still a married single mom.  Yes, my hubby still travels, more often than not, and i am here to raise our 3 precious gems alone on a weekly basis, but... i wouldn't trade them, or him for the world. i just need to bitch about it from time to time.  And that my friends, is where you come in... stay tuned....

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