Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Tales of a cry

Well, today the stress just boiled over and so besides screaming at my precious baby girl, i let it out with a good ole cry.  Ahhhh... seems to feel so much better to get it all out.  It is only Tuesday, and i am already axniously awaiting Friday's arrival (and with it the return of my dear hubby). I miss him a lot this trip.  While I am totally used to this single mom gig, sometimes it hits me more than others.  I suppose it coorelates to what i have going on here at the homefront, but still, sometimes it just plain sucks.  This week he is not only "away" but he is across the country which means our talk time is minimal.  The time change is hard to deal with and we both seem to have time to talk when the other is not available.

Anyway, i have been having a tough time coping this week with life in general and been in a downright funk.  A sweet friend called last night to check on me, which i so appreciated, but i hate it when i worry people.  I try to just fly under the radar when i am in a funk and try so hard not to bother others or let it show, but i guess sometimes i am , hmm... i was going to say invisible, but that is totally not the word i was looking for... shoot.. i can't think.. oh oh! got it.. transparent!!!  Lets try this again, sometimes, well, most of the time i am transparent and wear my emotions on the outside.  That is such an awful charateristic. I am so bad at poker.  Not to go too far into it, but it seems every year in April, i am done.  Done with school, homework, getting up, lunches, the routine, all of it. I can actually trace it back to when Z was in preschool. I specifically remember having this conversation with friends back then and since then.  So, it is hard for me to separate my crankiness right now with just my annual blues of school overload.  That coupled with family stuff, school drama and friend nonsense, i totally lost my mind today.  BUT, don't be sad my friends, this story has a great outcome, as i feel SO much better.  I try to hold in as much as i can all the time, especially around my kids.. the last thing they need to worry about is their looney mommy... ok, at least not for another 30 years :).   But, i let it go today on the phone with a good friend, and it was needed, and felt good.  I also fed my kids cheese sticks, hard boiled eggs, graham crackers and fruit for dinner.. Yep, it was one of those days.   But who cares, in a year from now, i won't remember a thing about it.  In that case, i think i'll start forgetting it all now.

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