Ahh.. almost half way through the week!! I can see the light to Friday. Hubby MIA today, which will make for a long day... but kids are busy after school so hopefully today won't drag on toooooooooooo looooooong.
I have had this very good friend since my middle was a baby. Good friend in the sense that we have a lot in common, most of our kids are the same age, and we care a lot about it each other. Trouble is, we never get to see one another. We both have crazy busy lives juggling 3 kids and everything else life throws at you. Sometimes we will go weeks without even sending an email.. but the good thing is I don't worry about our friendship, and neither does she. When we do get the chance to chat or email or heaven forbid get together, it's like no time has past. We have no expectations of each other and it is so refreshing. We both admit to constantly thinking about each other, but most of the time that is all we have time to do.. is think about calling or think about getting together.
But, in a lot of ways we are very different. (or were.. which is the point of this blog). I am the one always throwing parties, love to get people together, have a good time, always connected. She, is a home body (is that one word or two??), not extremely social, just content being with her family. Anyway, we had some email interaction this week and she, I guess and me too have come to the realization that I am turning into her!!!! Which is surprising, but true. Since I had my baby, and more so in the past year, I have noticed myself becoming more of an introvert. I thought maybe I was going through a selfish phase, but what is selfish about doing things for and with your family, first and foremost. What is selfish about needing quiet time and not always being a social butterfly? Since that unfortunate experience I wrote about in one of my first blogs (parting with a close friend from years ago) I have changed A LOT. Perhaps I have her to thank, in a weird way, for pushing me to grow and change.. for the better. I don't even think she would recognize my personality nowadays. Which is for better and for worse. I have changed in a lot of good ways, but I have also become very guarded and protective of myself. I have learned a lot about what I want out of friends, what I can give and what I can take, and what is important and what really isn't. Its funny how viewpoints can change as life evolves. For example, it is extremely important for us to have family dinner with my mom once a week. I used to make plans with different families with kids on Sunday nights for dinner because it was fun for the kids to get together with their friends, but now, I want to teach my kids that no one comes before family. I remember dinners with my grandparents growing up, and want my children to as well.
Anyway, with some email conversation back and forth with this friend, she asked me, isn't it nice to live without drama and world expectations?? I never used to understand why she was so withdrawn from the world so to speak, and now I really get it. I get why she has been living this way for years. When you are in a "bubble", which is where I would ideally LOVE to go live, you free yourself from all the things that are really not essential to your life. And so I guess I am moving in that direction. Essential are family problems, essential are kids school nonsense, essential are things that need to be taken care of now, in this very moment. So, excuse me while I go through this stage in my life of so called "selfishness". Remember, it has nothing to do with YOU, and everything to do with ME.
Oh, and you'll be the first to know if and when I decide to emerge from my bubble.... but umm, don't hold your breath!