And other week has begun! Once again I am sitting here at 5:30 AM next to my sweet girl.. who actually didn't cry last night until now... well, except for the 45 min rant at bedtime including her unique ability to squeeze out enough of a poop for me to have to change her... procrastination starts at such a young age. Oh, and yes, we are watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.
Just checked my email and received my usual Monday AM email from my hubby that is titled "Flight info this week". Not so bad this week, I suppose things are calming down for the Holidays that are seriously right around the corner. Is Thanksgiving really next Thursday? How bizarre?
So, I was reading another blog, and felt like I had written parts of it myself, which of course then compelled me to do just that. Those of me who know and love me dearly know that I am a bit of a control freak. I'm gonna blame it on genetics, but won't go any further than that in case certain family members decide to read this. Don't need to get written out of any wills over a little blog. Yes, I complain about my days revolving around my kiddos and their schedules, but the truth is, I wouldn't have it any other way. I want to be the first person they see after school. I want to hear the juicy deets of the 8 hours they spent without me. I want to make sure their homework is done properly, etc... after all, it is my job, so to speak.
But it is more than that, I think it is a lack of trust. I don't think I trust anyone enough to do it "like I would". What am I scared of? I am not sure. Hubby always tells me to get a sitter sometimes after school to help me out, or at night during the week so I can get out alittle. My response is always the same. I can't. I need to be there. It's not like they are in preschool anymore. I need to make sure my 2nd graders homework is done, and right. I need to make sure the oldest two read 20 min each night. It's not just "babysitting". There are things to be done. And apparently, I do not think that anyone else in the universe but me is capable of handling it. No, that is too harsh, I think it's that I just don't think anyone can do it like I do. Well, so what? What am I afraid of? One night it won't be "perfect"? Ugg, that puts a lot of pressure on me ya know. Pressure I put on myself. But who wants to do MY kids homework with them. I don't even WANT to do it, I HAVE to do it. But that is a fear of mine. Fear of the unknown. Fear of, what's gonna happen if.......
Speaking of what's going to happen if.... I feel as if I used make choices in my life based on fear of what other people would think of me. Fearing rejection? Fearing being talked about? Fearing being not liked? I would do things for and with my children that other people did just because I figured I should because everyone else was. I persued relationships with toxic people because I was afraid people would talk negatively about me if I didn't. I kept my mouth closed about my kids "friends" being obnoxious, destructive and mean to my own children because I was scared to speak up their mommies (many of whom were my friends). Trying to keep "peace" between myself and others at the expense of my own happiness. NOT GOOD. NOT HEALTHY. And I have learned over many many conversations with friends, that I am not alone. Some call it "wanting to be accepted", but I call if fear of rejection. And I lived a lot of my life like this.
Fortunately, well, it was unfortunate at the time, but looking back, fortunately I experienced a life changing event about a year and a half ago that changed my perception of my fears. From someone who was an outgoing and pretty open person to most anyone, I became more private and protective of myself and my inner thoughts and feelings. I decided, I am not scared. I decided to do things that I wanted to do. I decided that I didn't trust people until they proved worthy of it, not vice versa. I broke away from a lot of people and "found myself". I decided to sign my children up for camps, and extra curricular activities because they wanted to, not because thats what other kids were doing. I decided to stop running the rat race. I decided to stop wondering if people thought I was a bad mom because I didn't do XYZ with/for my kids. I actually had one mom tell me, "you should sign your son up for ____because it would be good for him". WTF? Where do people get off telling me what they think is good for MY child, MY family? I just don't get it. And it bothered the crap out of me. But, and it took A LOT of soul searching, I decided to let it all go. I am me, and my family and TRUE friends love what I have to offer. I no longer fear not fitting the mold that we all try to cram ourselves into. There is no need for it. Period.
To be honest, the main fear I live with now, is the fear of something terrible happening to someone I love. It is paralyzing at times to fear such things, but I do. And that fear leaves no room for others.
What fears do you have? Are they about you, or about how others view you? Do you have any fears that you can let go of?
Monday, November 15, 2010
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Tales of Monotony
No, this is not about the show "Sister Wives", my life is definitely not that exciting. I too sometimes get confused between the words
monotony and mongnanomy. Just want to make sure you are all will me from the start.
As I walked out of the room of the 3rd child I read to, sang to and tucked in, I said to myself, another day, done. And then I thought, hmmmmm.. I feel this way every night. And during the day, I feel myself looking at the clock and noting how much longer til bedtime. How much longer do I have to be "ON" for my kids no matter what is going on with me, or in my life. And that's another hmmmmm.. my life, do I have a life? Am I allowed to have a life outside of doing and being for my precious miracles? Yes, of course I am, but why do I feel guilty about wanting to have "a life", as minimal as it happens to be. And why I do feel guilty about how much pleasure the bedtime hours make me? I love my kids, as we all do, so why can I not wait for them to go to bed? Am I that bad of a mom? Wait, nevermind.. Don't answer that.
My hubby and I were driving in the car last week and the conversation of my days "running into each other" came up. And he said, so do something about it. Change, I don't want you to be bored. I thought for a second, that is a great thought. But for me, right now, in the present time of raising our family, it is just that, a great thought. There is nothing else for me to do right now. My days are entirely filled up to the rim, it just so happens that the contents remain the same.
Here is a glimpse into my day (s):
Sidenote #1- Minimal changes occur, like playgroup instead of My Gym, or helping out in mid child class instead of #1.
Sidenote #2- Don't read this if you think you already know what I do everyday, or if you don't really care.
3 AM- baby girl cries, go into her room and tell her to shut up (in a nicer-ish way)
3:02- close my door and place pillow over my head as to not hear her screaming for me in an attempt to fall back asleep
5:00- usually up for the day by either same child or kitten (who might receive the death penalty soon for waking me up)
6:00-7:00- watch Mickey Mouseclub house on repeat in bed while waiting for others to arise
7:00-8:00- put out vitamins, water, breakfast for kids. make lunches, get myself ready, shove a Luna bar down my throat and drive carpool
8:00-10- most days I am either back home with baby, running errands with baby, or at school helping in kids classrooms because due to the
budget cuts our teachers have no assistants and 20+ kids in their classes to deal with. alone.
10-12:00- twice a week I get to play tennis for an hour!!! other days I am with my fun little one. It is so different spending time with
her at this age then with the olders. Maybe because I have her "alone" but I am enjoying this age much more this go around.
12:00-12:30- watch another amazing episode of Mickey Mouseclub house
12:30- lay in my bed with her until she falls asleep, most days this is only 5 minutes or so.
1:00-3:00- freedom!!!!!!!! gotta love naptime. Usually, I either, try to fall asleep on the couch because I have been up for almost 10
hours already, start getting dinner preparations done, or actually try to have an uninterrupted phone conversation.
3:00-bedtime- I am lumping this all into one group because this is just the highlight of my days. Note: At this point I have typically been up for 12 hours already. Get backpacks thrown at me from big kids at bus. Remind them to wash hands and go potty (at least 3x) upon walking in door. Sort backpacks, read any school correspondence, figure out who has what homework to do, empty lunch remains and start
packing non-perishables for tomorrows lunches. Some days my kids run over to friends houses immediately from the bus for an hour or so, which is fine, except that #3 then wants to play with me, again, instead of having them entertain her. Fight with children about homework, especially 2nd grade math homework that I already do not like. What the hell is a rhombus? Listen to baby saying, Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy a zillion times until I finally realize she is talking to me and answer her. Make dinner, serve dinner (always a joy as my previous post displayed), clean up from dinner. Kids either play for a bit, or watch a show. Shower kids, read to kids, brush and potty kids (all while repeating at least 100 times.. "remember there are 3 of you and only ONE of me"), and finally... wait for it............................ BED! Silence. Quiet... well, not really until my baby stops crying from her room "mommy close her eyes and
go nite-nite too???"
7:30- not too long after because I usually fall asleep.. I lay in bed, usually do not turn the TV on because I have no functioning brain cells remaining to try to follow along any show. Check my email, answer the phone if I hear it ringing because I have my ringer off upstairs heaven forbid it should wake up someone, mainly me when I am finally asleep. But that is it. Usually hubby is away, so it's just me here. I have gotten somewhat used to being alone night after night, and its ok. I do have to say, the one nice thing about getting out
krtten (no I is NOT his wanting to play with me at 5 AM), is that he keeps me company at night. Just having another sole breathing next to me (especially one that doesn't talk back) is comforting.
1. please do not feel badly for me... it looks MUCH worse than it really when written out.
2. If your days are not like this at all, please do not tell me.
3. If you can relate.. remember that misery loves company!!
So, back to the conversation with my hubby about doing something else?? Not exactly sure where something else on a regular basis would fit in. And do I want it to? As much as I complain, because that is what my DNA tells me to do, would I like having to squeeze something else in? Something else to think about? Something else to occupy time and brain space? Something else to dress for? I honestly don't think I could. And so, I will settle for the monontous routine right now. At least I know what to expect from my days and for a control freak, that is good. Speaking of monotous, I have to run.. gotta fold my 10th load of laundry this week and then off to Target and Trader Joes for the zillionth time...
monotony and mongnanomy. Just want to make sure you are all will me from the start.
As I walked out of the room of the 3rd child I read to, sang to and tucked in, I said to myself, another day, done. And then I thought, hmmmmm.. I feel this way every night. And during the day, I feel myself looking at the clock and noting how much longer til bedtime. How much longer do I have to be "ON" for my kids no matter what is going on with me, or in my life. And that's another hmmmmm.. my life, do I have a life? Am I allowed to have a life outside of doing and being for my precious miracles? Yes, of course I am, but why do I feel guilty about wanting to have "a life", as minimal as it happens to be. And why I do feel guilty about how much pleasure the bedtime hours make me? I love my kids, as we all do, so why can I not wait for them to go to bed? Am I that bad of a mom? Wait, nevermind.. Don't answer that.
My hubby and I were driving in the car last week and the conversation of my days "running into each other" came up. And he said, so do something about it. Change, I don't want you to be bored. I thought for a second, that is a great thought. But for me, right now, in the present time of raising our family, it is just that, a great thought. There is nothing else for me to do right now. My days are entirely filled up to the rim, it just so happens that the contents remain the same.
Here is a glimpse into my day (s):
Sidenote #1- Minimal changes occur, like playgroup instead of My Gym, or helping out in mid child class instead of #1.
Sidenote #2- Don't read this if you think you already know what I do everyday, or if you don't really care.
3 AM- baby girl cries, go into her room and tell her to shut up (in a nicer-ish way)
3:02- close my door and place pillow over my head as to not hear her screaming for me in an attempt to fall back asleep
5:00- usually up for the day by either same child or kitten (who might receive the death penalty soon for waking me up)
6:00-7:00- watch Mickey Mouseclub house on repeat in bed while waiting for others to arise
7:00-8:00- put out vitamins, water, breakfast for kids. make lunches, get myself ready, shove a Luna bar down my throat and drive carpool
8:00-10- most days I am either back home with baby, running errands with baby, or at school helping in kids classrooms because due to the
budget cuts our teachers have no assistants and 20+ kids in their classes to deal with. alone.
10-12:00- twice a week I get to play tennis for an hour!!! other days I am with my fun little one. It is so different spending time with
her at this age then with the olders. Maybe because I have her "alone" but I am enjoying this age much more this go around.
12:00-12:30- watch another amazing episode of Mickey Mouseclub house
12:30- lay in my bed with her until she falls asleep, most days this is only 5 minutes or so.
1:00-3:00- freedom!!!!!!!! gotta love naptime. Usually, I either, try to fall asleep on the couch because I have been up for almost 10
hours already, start getting dinner preparations done, or actually try to have an uninterrupted phone conversation.
3:00-bedtime- I am lumping this all into one group because this is just the highlight of my days. Note: At this point I have typically been up for 12 hours already. Get backpacks thrown at me from big kids at bus. Remind them to wash hands and go potty (at least 3x) upon walking in door. Sort backpacks, read any school correspondence, figure out who has what homework to do, empty lunch remains and start
packing non-perishables for tomorrows lunches. Some days my kids run over to friends houses immediately from the bus for an hour or so, which is fine, except that #3 then wants to play with me, again, instead of having them entertain her. Fight with children about homework, especially 2nd grade math homework that I already do not like. What the hell is a rhombus? Listen to baby saying, Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy a zillion times until I finally realize she is talking to me and answer her. Make dinner, serve dinner (always a joy as my previous post displayed), clean up from dinner. Kids either play for a bit, or watch a show. Shower kids, read to kids, brush and potty kids (all while repeating at least 100 times.. "remember there are 3 of you and only ONE of me"), and finally... wait for it............................ BED! Silence. Quiet... well, not really until my baby stops crying from her room "mommy close her eyes and
go nite-nite too???"
7:30- not too long after because I usually fall asleep.. I lay in bed, usually do not turn the TV on because I have no functioning brain cells remaining to try to follow along any show. Check my email, answer the phone if I hear it ringing because I have my ringer off upstairs heaven forbid it should wake up someone, mainly me when I am finally asleep. But that is it. Usually hubby is away, so it's just me here. I have gotten somewhat used to being alone night after night, and its ok. I do have to say, the one nice thing about getting out
krtten (no I is NOT his wanting to play with me at 5 AM), is that he keeps me company at night. Just having another sole breathing next to me (especially one that doesn't talk back) is comforting.
1. please do not feel badly for me... it looks MUCH worse than it really when written out.
2. If your days are not like this at all, please do not tell me.
3. If you can relate.. remember that misery loves company!!
So, back to the conversation with my hubby about doing something else?? Not exactly sure where something else on a regular basis would fit in. And do I want it to? As much as I complain, because that is what my DNA tells me to do, would I like having to squeeze something else in? Something else to think about? Something else to occupy time and brain space? Something else to dress for? I honestly don't think I could. And so, I will settle for the monontous routine right now. At least I know what to expect from my days and for a control freak, that is good. Speaking of monotous, I have to run.. gotta fold my 10th load of laundry this week and then off to Target and Trader Joes for the zillionth time...
By request... Tales of Superwoman #2
Wanted to share some insight I received from a friend of mine. It is always good to hear someone elses perspective and I happen to think this one is right on!.....
This is an email I received after posting my Superwoman blog (minus some personal info I removed):
"I enjoyed the superwoman blog:). You're right all around. But, it's all how you perceive who superwoman is and what perfect is. Perhaps you really are superwoman... maybe not by your own definition, but maybe by someone else's.... all you do for your kids, how you manage your household, and how you keep yourself altogether even though you may have issues- as we all do- but, you're able to project a strong woman because you are. You may not feel strong all of the time, but even at your weakest moments, you get through them and come out stronger anyhow. So just for fun, superwoman, give yourself a pat on the back for all that you've done for your family. You're the glue..... and your hubby knows this. Maybe superwoman doesn't sit well, who likes titles anyway unless you're employed and it gives you promotional bonus money, or the means to interview for a better opportunity somewhere else where you can say your title is such and such... ha!
This is an email I received after posting my Superwoman blog (minus some personal info I removed):
"I enjoyed the superwoman blog:). You're right all around. But, it's all how you perceive who superwoman is and what perfect is. Perhaps you really are superwoman... maybe not by your own definition, but maybe by someone else's.... all you do for your kids, how you manage your household, and how you keep yourself altogether even though you may have issues- as we all do- but, you're able to project a strong woman because you are. You may not feel strong all of the time, but even at your weakest moments, you get through them and come out stronger anyhow. So just for fun, superwoman, give yourself a pat on the back for all that you've done for your family. You're the glue..... and your hubby knows this. Maybe superwoman doesn't sit well, who likes titles anyway unless you're employed and it gives you promotional bonus money, or the means to interview for a better opportunity somewhere else where you can say your title is such and such... ha!
Hmmmm... maybe a superwoman part 2 is in the future... the positive side of it. I think all mommies are superwomen if you think about it... humans aren't capable of mastering the perfection of things, but if perfection is irrelevant, and you focus more on what all is involved in being a mommy, then in our own ways maybe we actually can be that from time to time. To me, when my son surprises me with something new he can do or say, and that overwhelming feeling of pride kicks in... he makes me feel like superwoman I think. And if you break it down a little further, even superwoman returns to her mortal self most of the time anyway- ha! Maybe it's the coach/teacher in me that's always trying to find the positives of things, how to shed light on certain perceptions to expose that maybe there's some good to them. Perfectionism.... what a pisser that can be, but it actually has a tid bit of good in the sense that it helps motivate someone to attain a goal.... take it a bit tooooooo literal and it gets you in trouble, and that's how it gets a bad rap. Little did I know that I was a perfectionist until golf came around. Man did it expose me in the worst way.... BUT, once I discovered how unrealistic I was being with myself, I was able to discover better boundaries to all of my practicing. And so, I'm more aware of how I am in life.... yep, perfectionist me has to rein in those expectations in every day life... hence, mommy hood and friends and relationships... all that shittake!
Anyhoooooooooooooooos.... I guess my point is you're so right about all of it, but at the same time, there could be a side that's cast in the shadows and maybe isn't all deserving of it:). Perfectionism in our society will always be, along with all the other nasty qualities humans like to possess unwillingly.... some willingly. All I know is that the more moms that just try to be good to their children, good to their husbands (should they deserve it- ha!), and good to people, then that's what it's about. And if that makes a person superwoman, then so be it:).
Good stuff, right?? You know who you are, thanks for the positive side of it!
I myself was slack about writing over the weekend, I have an idea cirulating around in my head, just waiting for the right time to spit it out into text. It's coming....
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Tales of Dinnertime fun
Ever have one of those days? Well, yesterday was mine. I will spare you all the deets, but it was all around sucky. When playgroup with your 3rd child is the highlight of your day (sorry girls, you know I love you all), it is pretty sad. Changing subjects-
So, every Tuesday for more than the past year, my kids and I eat dinner at McAllisters because it is kids-eat-free night. All I have to do is buy myself a bowl of soup (which I love because I am a self-proclaimed soup-aholic) and my kids eat FREE. It costs me exactly $5.41 to feed the four of us dinner on Tuesdays (of course hubby is MIA). It really makes no sense for me to actually shop for, cook for and clean up dinner for that. Are you with me? So, on the other days of the week, I do try, I think I should put that in quotes, "try" to cook for us. Us meaning, the kids. I think the only thing I enjoy about hubby travelling is that I can eat cereal for dinner, on a pretty regular basis. I always "lie" to my kids.... white lies don't really hurt, when they ask me why I am not eating dinner with them. Either I ate while I was cooking it, or I will eat when they go to bed... but clearly I would never admit to them that I am going to have a mixture of honey nut cheerios and THEIR halloween candy for dinner. Um, NO.
I also say "try" to cook... because my kids aren't super easy to prepare dinner for. They definitely aren't the worst, but they are medicore, at best. And it is simply because all they like to eat is crap. Chicken nuggets, cheese burgers, quesidillas, mac and cheese, pizza etc... I know these are some of your staples too... and it's ok sometimes, but I like to "try" to throw in healthy-ish meals from time to time too. Of course, these nights are met with strong resistance. "I don't like THIS chicken"- before she even tastes it, is one example. Gagging on ONE STEM OF BROCCOLI is another.. I mean really? Just swallow it and take some water. Sheesh, does every single solitary meal have to be a giant dramatic presentation??
Therefore, I am always tempted to try a week of no cooking (for them). None, zip, zero. Why you ask? Because of the afore mentioned situations AND because of this...The very sad state of our country's economy is practically forcing an insane amount of restaurants (who are trying desperately to stay a float) to offer kids-eat-free nights. Please don't think poorly of me. I am just as disheartened about our society at the moment as you are (that is the first and last time I will pseudo mention politics here), BUT, I might as well take some advantage of it and simplify dinnertime, right?
There are many websites (at least where we live) that exist only to inform us lazy mommies which restaurants offer these special nights each week. OMG! I had an AHA moment... again.. twice this week (which you would know if you've read the previous entries) I just got all excited!! Now I have something to look forward to the next time my hubby tells me he will be travelling for an entire week.. which of course I forsee happening in the not to distant future. A week of no cooking and no cleaning up. Unfortunately that comes with a week of inhaling my food as fast as I possibly can in an effort to get in and out of the restaurant since I will be with 3 children sans extra set of hands, but I think I am up for the challenge. I wonder if my dishwasher will miss me? Anyhow, I can't wait til this adventure. Anyone want to join me? Stay tuned, I will be sure to write about it.
Was this blog boring? Sorry, I needed to keep it light and fun.. yesterday, not so light and fun. Needed a break from deep thoughts. But, just to keep my complaining consistent. The wee won woke up at 3:51. As usual, not sure why, but that was just way to early to cave in. So, I let her cry. Not sure how long she did, as I stuck a pillow over my head and went back to sleep, but it is now 5:37 AM and the only reason I am up is because my damn kitten wants to play with me. Ugg.. if it's not one thing it's another, right?
So, every Tuesday for more than the past year, my kids and I eat dinner at McAllisters because it is kids-eat-free night. All I have to do is buy myself a bowl of soup (which I love because I am a self-proclaimed soup-aholic) and my kids eat FREE. It costs me exactly $5.41 to feed the four of us dinner on Tuesdays (of course hubby is MIA). It really makes no sense for me to actually shop for, cook for and clean up dinner for that. Are you with me? So, on the other days of the week, I do try, I think I should put that in quotes, "try" to cook for us. Us meaning, the kids. I think the only thing I enjoy about hubby travelling is that I can eat cereal for dinner, on a pretty regular basis. I always "lie" to my kids.... white lies don't really hurt, when they ask me why I am not eating dinner with them. Either I ate while I was cooking it, or I will eat when they go to bed... but clearly I would never admit to them that I am going to have a mixture of honey nut cheerios and THEIR halloween candy for dinner. Um, NO.
I also say "try" to cook... because my kids aren't super easy to prepare dinner for. They definitely aren't the worst, but they are medicore, at best. And it is simply because all they like to eat is crap. Chicken nuggets, cheese burgers, quesidillas, mac and cheese, pizza etc... I know these are some of your staples too... and it's ok sometimes, but I like to "try" to throw in healthy-ish meals from time to time too. Of course, these nights are met with strong resistance. "I don't like THIS chicken"- before she even tastes it, is one example. Gagging on ONE STEM OF BROCCOLI is another.. I mean really? Just swallow it and take some water. Sheesh, does every single solitary meal have to be a giant dramatic presentation??
Therefore, I am always tempted to try a week of no cooking (for them). None, zip, zero. Why you ask? Because of the afore mentioned situations AND because of this...The very sad state of our country's economy is practically forcing an insane amount of restaurants (who are trying desperately to stay a float) to offer kids-eat-free nights. Please don't think poorly of me. I am just as disheartened about our society at the moment as you are (that is the first and last time I will pseudo mention politics here), BUT, I might as well take some advantage of it and simplify dinnertime, right?
There are many websites (at least where we live) that exist only to inform us lazy mommies which restaurants offer these special nights each week. OMG! I had an AHA moment... again.. twice this week (which you would know if you've read the previous entries) I just got all excited!! Now I have something to look forward to the next time my hubby tells me he will be travelling for an entire week.. which of course I forsee happening in the not to distant future. A week of no cooking and no cleaning up. Unfortunately that comes with a week of inhaling my food as fast as I possibly can in an effort to get in and out of the restaurant since I will be with 3 children sans extra set of hands, but I think I am up for the challenge. I wonder if my dishwasher will miss me? Anyhow, I can't wait til this adventure. Anyone want to join me? Stay tuned, I will be sure to write about it.
Was this blog boring? Sorry, I needed to keep it light and fun.. yesterday, not so light and fun. Needed a break from deep thoughts. But, just to keep my complaining consistent. The wee won woke up at 3:51. As usual, not sure why, but that was just way to early to cave in. So, I let her cry. Not sure how long she did, as I stuck a pillow over my head and went back to sleep, but it is now 5:37 AM and the only reason I am up is because my damn kitten wants to play with me. Ugg.. if it's not one thing it's another, right?
Friday, November 12, 2010
Tales of Picture Perfect
Yesterday was our annual family portrait session day. I like to torture my oldest once a year by making him change his clothes in the middle of the day (which he HATES to do) into something clean, not even "fancy" just fresh. Anyway, as some of my friends can attest to, I searched low and high for weeks and weeks to find the "perfect" outfits for the kids. I love doing the photos outdoors in the fall when theleaves have changed colors and the sky is Carolina blue. In the past, I have walked in the GAP, found the outfits in about 5 min flat and walked out. This year, not so much. Weeks and weeks I spent pouring over clothing racks of black and gray. Seriously? I am not a fashionista, but I have heard the "gray" is in this year, which is lovely, because I do like to wear grays and blacks with my jeans... BUT, and again, this is a BIG BUT... for my 5 and 2 year old daughters... negative. Now I am aware that in their teenage years they may venture into some darker clothing, and I will cross that bridge when we get there, however, not now, and definitely not for family photos. This was really a problem for me, but i am letting it go now. I could go on, but I wil save you.
Moving forward to yesterday. I told my dear hubby what I wanted us to wear in the pics. Oopps, failed to mention that last year we ended up with family pics of just the kiddos because I was on my death bed with some strain of the flu or something that week. Ok, so I thought since we missed them last year, we should jump in a few this year, just to be able to remember how we looked in the midst of our wild adventure of raising children. So, yesterday AM was pretty hectic due to the holiday/day off of school. We did take our tot to the ENT, to which I learned she has a lot of mucus in her nose and therefore has more allergies then the mere food allergies we already know about. Come to find, she is allergic to elm trees, dust and dust mites (sure, I'll vacuum the house every day... wink wink), dogs and CATS. umm.. we just got a kitten 6 weeks ago. hmmmm. Third ones a charm - no allergies for the big two. Speaking of the big two, they were shuffled around between playdates yesterday, due to the fabulous day off of school in the middle of the week. I promise, I am getting around the the point of this blog.
12:30, I put my baby girl down for her nap. I scheduled the pics for 3PM, so hopefully she would be well rested and pleasant for the afternoon. Nowadays she will only nap in "mommys bed", which is actually fine, because she sleeps for a few hours so I typically do not mind. However, yesterday, I had to move my clothing change, my flat iron and my makeup downstairs so I could get ready while she naps. Ok, no prob. So, as I am flat ironing my hair (my son next to me complaining he needs more legos because he refuses to take apart anything he makes with them because they are all "special") I am realizing that my gray hairs are much more noticeable when my hair is straight. And so began the plucking. Sadly, I may have to start dying it because I think I almost plucked out my entire mid section. I finished flat ironing and was brushing my hair and accidentally clipped my ear. Yep, my diamond stud popped out and practically jumped down the drain in 2 seconds flat. Did we decide I can curse on here? Well, I couldn't then either because of my son sitting in the room not too far away. So I asked him (ok, maybe not), I told him in a loud quick voice to "Go get Daddy".
One of the best moments of my life was giving birth to that boy. My first born. My mom had given me her engagement ring diamond and my hubby got a jeweler to get one to match it and put them into studs for me. What a great push present. However, at this moment, half of that present was down the drain, literally. Thank goodness my hubby is handy, because he went under the sink, took off the pipe thing (I not so handy) and out came the earring... along with a whole lot of water.. but at least I got it back. And fairly quickly.
Sidenote #1- Hubby can become a plumber if ever need be.
Sidenote #2-Sorry mom, I didn't tell you this yesterday.
So, it is now 2 PM, countdown to pics. Get oldest changed (he actually didn't whine too much) and daughter just got home from a playdate. Good thing that you can't smell people in their pictures, because she was RIPE from running around the park for a few hours. So, got them both ready. Asked hubby where his cream shirt was. He said, "I do not have a cream shirt". Can I curse, a teensy bit? We had less than an hour til picture time and now he tells me he doesn't have the right clothes. So at 2:20 I hopped in to the car and drove to Wal-Mart. Yep, I did. This was an emergency ya know. Of course they did not have cream anything, so I got him a long sleeve white shirt and that was that.
By the time I was home at 2:40, little miss was up and dressed too and we were in gear to go. However, hubby decided he needed to shave. Why, why everything so last minute with these dudes?
2:50, we are all ready. Miracle!! Have snacks in hand, hair brush, sippy cup is filled with water and then I noticed my Lincoln Park after dark is half off. Ugg.. this is why I never get my nails done. So, I tell my oldest to pick out some candy from the candy bin to take to the pics (bribery is always a plus around here) and I run upstairs to scrub my polish off as quickly as I can.
2:55. I hear screaming from downstairs. "Spit it out. Spit it out now". I run downstairs and you will never guess what happened. My special angel middle daughter was blue. Not as is dying, as in decided she wanted a bright blue air head 5 freakin mintues before our family pictures. Her teeth, her lips, her mouth.....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I definitely should be cursing now, but I didn't then so I won't now. And, she was hysterical. Of course she was, my sensitivie little girl. So, not only is she completely blue, her eyes are swollen and red. Yay picture day! I told her to run upstairs, wash her face, and brush her teeth.
3:06- we arrive to the park (thank heaven we picked a location in our neighborhood) and spent the next two hours running around, cuddling, laughing and playing together during our photo shoot. It was 65 degrees out, not a cloud in the sky, my kids had the perfect outfits, the perfect smiles and we had great fun! In 20 years when I look back at our pics, I wonder if I'll even remember the nonsense that surrounded my day. Nah, I'll just be sad at how much I miss having all this craziness day in and day out. The only thing I'll remember is how "picture perfect" the day turned out to be.
Moving forward to yesterday. I told my dear hubby what I wanted us to wear in the pics. Oopps, failed to mention that last year we ended up with family pics of just the kiddos because I was on my death bed with some strain of the flu or something that week. Ok, so I thought since we missed them last year, we should jump in a few this year, just to be able to remember how we looked in the midst of our wild adventure of raising children. So, yesterday AM was pretty hectic due to the holiday/day off of school. We did take our tot to the ENT, to which I learned she has a lot of mucus in her nose and therefore has more allergies then the mere food allergies we already know about. Come to find, she is allergic to elm trees, dust and dust mites (sure, I'll vacuum the house every day... wink wink), dogs and CATS. umm.. we just got a kitten 6 weeks ago. hmmmm. Third ones a charm - no allergies for the big two. Speaking of the big two, they were shuffled around between playdates yesterday, due to the fabulous day off of school in the middle of the week. I promise, I am getting around the the point of this blog.
12:30, I put my baby girl down for her nap. I scheduled the pics for 3PM, so hopefully she would be well rested and pleasant for the afternoon. Nowadays she will only nap in "mommys bed", which is actually fine, because she sleeps for a few hours so I typically do not mind. However, yesterday, I had to move my clothing change, my flat iron and my makeup downstairs so I could get ready while she naps. Ok, no prob. So, as I am flat ironing my hair (my son next to me complaining he needs more legos because he refuses to take apart anything he makes with them because they are all "special") I am realizing that my gray hairs are much more noticeable when my hair is straight. And so began the plucking. Sadly, I may have to start dying it because I think I almost plucked out my entire mid section. I finished flat ironing and was brushing my hair and accidentally clipped my ear. Yep, my diamond stud popped out and practically jumped down the drain in 2 seconds flat. Did we decide I can curse on here? Well, I couldn't then either because of my son sitting in the room not too far away. So I asked him (ok, maybe not), I told him in a loud quick voice to "Go get Daddy".
One of the best moments of my life was giving birth to that boy. My first born. My mom had given me her engagement ring diamond and my hubby got a jeweler to get one to match it and put them into studs for me. What a great push present. However, at this moment, half of that present was down the drain, literally. Thank goodness my hubby is handy, because he went under the sink, took off the pipe thing (I not so handy) and out came the earring... along with a whole lot of water.. but at least I got it back. And fairly quickly.
Sidenote #1- Hubby can become a plumber if ever need be.
Sidenote #2-Sorry mom, I didn't tell you this yesterday.
So, it is now 2 PM, countdown to pics. Get oldest changed (he actually didn't whine too much) and daughter just got home from a playdate. Good thing that you can't smell people in their pictures, because she was RIPE from running around the park for a few hours. So, got them both ready. Asked hubby where his cream shirt was. He said, "I do not have a cream shirt". Can I curse, a teensy bit? We had less than an hour til picture time and now he tells me he doesn't have the right clothes. So at 2:20 I hopped in to the car and drove to Wal-Mart. Yep, I did. This was an emergency ya know. Of course they did not have cream anything, so I got him a long sleeve white shirt and that was that.
By the time I was home at 2:40, little miss was up and dressed too and we were in gear to go. However, hubby decided he needed to shave. Why, why everything so last minute with these dudes?
2:50, we are all ready. Miracle!! Have snacks in hand, hair brush, sippy cup is filled with water and then I noticed my Lincoln Park after dark is half off. Ugg.. this is why I never get my nails done. So, I tell my oldest to pick out some candy from the candy bin to take to the pics (bribery is always a plus around here) and I run upstairs to scrub my polish off as quickly as I can.
2:55. I hear screaming from downstairs. "Spit it out. Spit it out now". I run downstairs and you will never guess what happened. My special angel middle daughter was blue. Not as is dying, as in decided she wanted a bright blue air head 5 freakin mintues before our family pictures. Her teeth, her lips, her mouth.....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I definitely should be cursing now, but I didn't then so I won't now. And, she was hysterical. Of course she was, my sensitivie little girl. So, not only is she completely blue, her eyes are swollen and red. Yay picture day! I told her to run upstairs, wash her face, and brush her teeth.
3:06- we arrive to the park (thank heaven we picked a location in our neighborhood) and spent the next two hours running around, cuddling, laughing and playing together during our photo shoot. It was 65 degrees out, not a cloud in the sky, my kids had the perfect outfits, the perfect smiles and we had great fun! In 20 years when I look back at our pics, I wonder if I'll even remember the nonsense that surrounded my day. Nah, I'll just be sad at how much I miss having all this craziness day in and day out. The only thing I'll remember is how "picture perfect" the day turned out to be.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Tales of a Superwoman
This blog stems from the emails and phone calls I have received in the past few days since I started writing. All very personal and different, however similar in the sense that they are so thankful to read something "real". One in particular struck a cord with me and thus begins my newest rant....
Quoting from an email I received, " Do you know, I had been wondering about the "real" you the rare times I
ventured on facebook... I would usually see a post from your hubby about where he was going or coming from or had been... very active posting that kind of stuff I think... and so I just started thinking about how often he really would actually be home... and bingo, I had a gut feeling you were the married single mom."
Hmm.. the real me? As opposed to what? I tend to think I am a pretty real, tell it like it is person. I do not
sugar coat things, and am the worst at being "fake" to people I do not care for. Trust me, it is not pretty. In a
phone conversation I had with another mom referring to the blog, she said, you make everything look so easy.. Really? I do?? Again, shocked that I give off this perception of "Superwoman" if you will. I can hear the chuckles through the computer of my few close friends who get to listen to me bitch and complain on a daily basis.
BUT, the point I am trying to make is this. Why is it so refreshing for others to hear someone admitting to
struggle? I'll tell you why. Our society, or our generation is obsessed with being the best. Having the perfect life. The smartest kids. The biggest house. The nicest things. No room for flaws. A perfect, cupcake life where everyone is happy and life is easy and simple. Posting on your FB status that you have the best kids and the best husband and just made home made baby food so as to not poison your baby with the stuff 95% of the rest of us use.
Yes, that does sound lovely, but that is just not real. Why is everyone so concerned with other people? And with what other people think of us? Why can't we all just be happy with our own life and not focus on comparing it to others. Trust me, I am guilty of this as well, but I just don't understand where it all comes from. None of us are superwoman, but yet everyone feels they have to act as if they are the perfect wife and mother. It is a lot of pressure that we all put on ourselves. The competition is just insane. And it breeds ugliness in people, especially friends. I wonder what would happen if we all just kept it real. Sure, I made banana bread today for my daughter who has begged me for weeks. Does that make me super mom? No! Should I post it on FB to brag to my mommy friends who have zero interest in baking? No. I do things for my family because I want to and they want me to. Period. Not for a perception it may give off.
I was having a conversation with my husband a few weeks ago about our oldest childs standardized test score results. Yes, he was actually in town when the results came!! I was super proud of him, of course as any mother would be, but also had some MINOR concerns. I repeat, MINOR CONCERNS. Of course, the MINOR concerns became GIGANTIC by the end of the phone train I encountered over the next few weeks comparing and contrasting 7 year olds. Yes, I am just a curious as the next mom, but certain things are just not meant to be shared. Close friends, perhaps, but others, not so much. Why purposely have a conversation with a friend when clearly one of you is going to feel badly at the end of it? I just don't get it. And we ALL fall victim to it. Through my sobs, my husband finally said, enough. I do not want to hear about it again. Its ridiculous. And then I remember why I married him. He is the Yin to my Yang. He calms me down when I am upset, especially when I get caught up in the vicious cycle of mommy madness. He tells me that all I should care about is our children being Happy. And he is so right. At the end of life, when we look back, do you think we will all be happy?? Happy we ran around for 40 +years trying to make ourselves and our children the cream of the crop?? Happy to have given off the perception of superwoman with super children?
I am definitely not superwoman... you?
Quoting from an email I received, " Do you know, I had been wondering about the "real" you the rare times I
ventured on facebook... I would usually see a post from your hubby about where he was going or coming from or had been... very active posting that kind of stuff I think... and so I just started thinking about how often he really would actually be home... and bingo, I had a gut feeling you were the married single mom."
Hmm.. the real me? As opposed to what? I tend to think I am a pretty real, tell it like it is person. I do not
sugar coat things, and am the worst at being "fake" to people I do not care for. Trust me, it is not pretty. In a
phone conversation I had with another mom referring to the blog, she said, you make everything look so easy.. Really? I do?? Again, shocked that I give off this perception of "Superwoman" if you will. I can hear the chuckles through the computer of my few close friends who get to listen to me bitch and complain on a daily basis.
BUT, the point I am trying to make is this. Why is it so refreshing for others to hear someone admitting to
struggle? I'll tell you why. Our society, or our generation is obsessed with being the best. Having the perfect life. The smartest kids. The biggest house. The nicest things. No room for flaws. A perfect, cupcake life where everyone is happy and life is easy and simple. Posting on your FB status that you have the best kids and the best husband and just made home made baby food so as to not poison your baby with the stuff 95% of the rest of us use.
Yes, that does sound lovely, but that is just not real. Why is everyone so concerned with other people? And with what other people think of us? Why can't we all just be happy with our own life and not focus on comparing it to others. Trust me, I am guilty of this as well, but I just don't understand where it all comes from. None of us are superwoman, but yet everyone feels they have to act as if they are the perfect wife and mother. It is a lot of pressure that we all put on ourselves. The competition is just insane. And it breeds ugliness in people, especially friends. I wonder what would happen if we all just kept it real. Sure, I made banana bread today for my daughter who has begged me for weeks. Does that make me super mom? No! Should I post it on FB to brag to my mommy friends who have zero interest in baking? No. I do things for my family because I want to and they want me to. Period. Not for a perception it may give off.
I was having a conversation with my husband a few weeks ago about our oldest childs standardized test score results. Yes, he was actually in town when the results came!! I was super proud of him, of course as any mother would be, but also had some MINOR concerns. I repeat, MINOR CONCERNS. Of course, the MINOR concerns became GIGANTIC by the end of the phone train I encountered over the next few weeks comparing and contrasting 7 year olds. Yes, I am just a curious as the next mom, but certain things are just not meant to be shared. Close friends, perhaps, but others, not so much. Why purposely have a conversation with a friend when clearly one of you is going to feel badly at the end of it? I just don't get it. And we ALL fall victim to it. Through my sobs, my husband finally said, enough. I do not want to hear about it again. Its ridiculous. And then I remember why I married him. He is the Yin to my Yang. He calms me down when I am upset, especially when I get caught up in the vicious cycle of mommy madness. He tells me that all I should care about is our children being Happy. And he is so right. At the end of life, when we look back, do you think we will all be happy?? Happy we ran around for 40 +years trying to make ourselves and our children the cream of the crop?? Happy to have given off the perception of superwoman with super children?
I am definitely not superwoman... you?
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Tales of randomess
So, throughout the day i like to ponder different things in life. Some pop into my head from out of nowhere and some are based on conversations I have had with others. Yes, that means if you know me personally, you may be a subject in one of my blogs-I will never admit it if you ask me AND no, you cannot prove it.
Deep Thought #1 of the day- Who the f*!k invented daylight savings? Cleary that individual has never had children, nor has ever wanted a good night sleep in his own life. (I did say "his" and not "her" simply because no woman in her right mind would have ever thought of such a horrible bi-annual occurance). I mean seriously, what freakin century are we in people? We are not farmers. I do not care about an extra hour of light or darkness here or there.Do you? I CARE ABOUT SLEEP. Precious sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep, damn it. hmmm.. starting to think I should rename the blog... sleepless in..??? nah. anyway, I vote for boycotting the whole thing. Who's with me?
Deep Thought #2 of the day- While getting dressed and ready for my day, I was deciding what to do with my hair. It wasn't a really long thought process. It went something like this.
Hmmm, What am I doing today?
Helping out in my oldest childs classroom
going to My Gym/lunch/napping with littest tot
getting big two off the bus
sending middle off to cheerleading
taking big kid to playdate
supervising homework
making dinner
giving baths
putting to bed
phew.. that was a whole lot of "ings". Anyway, on days such as this one (um, which is prety much almost every day) I twist my hair up into a pony tail and that is about it. Do any of these "things" I am doing require much more beauty than that? Nope, I don't think so. And hopefully neither do those lucky individuals who encounter my unkempt self on a daily basis.
Deep Thought #3- What is the fascination with the pantry? All 3 of my children are absolutely in love with the yummy goodness that lurkes behind the pantry door. Especially the baby. All I hear is "I want a snack from the pantry". She could be eating something in one hand, and turn to me and say "I want something from the pantry". Really?? You want another snack before you've even finished or sometimes begun the one you JUST asked for. I think I am going to start walking around saying, "I want something from the liquor cabinet". Wonder how far that will get me?
Deep Thought #4- Since I've never blogged before, I am wondering if there are any unspoken rules to it? You know I would never want to offend anyone in the blogging atmosphere by committing a blogging "no-no". But, then I thought, who cares? This is my blog, my rules. Therefore, I will not edit or spell check my work. I will type as it comes to me and post. Does this bother anyone? If so, please stop reading.
Deep Thought #1 of the day- Who the f*!k invented daylight savings? Cleary that individual has never had children, nor has ever wanted a good night sleep in his own life. (I did say "his" and not "her" simply because no woman in her right mind would have ever thought of such a horrible bi-annual occurance). I mean seriously, what freakin century are we in people? We are not farmers. I do not care about an extra hour of light or darkness here or there.Do you? I CARE ABOUT SLEEP. Precious sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep, damn it. hmmm.. starting to think I should rename the blog... sleepless in..??? nah. anyway, I vote for boycotting the whole thing. Who's with me?
Deep Thought #2 of the day- While getting dressed and ready for my day, I was deciding what to do with my hair. It wasn't a really long thought process. It went something like this.
Hmmm, What am I doing today?
Helping out in my oldest childs classroom
going to My Gym/lunch/napping with littest tot
getting big two off the bus
sending middle off to cheerleading
taking big kid to playdate
supervising homework
making dinner
giving baths
putting to bed
phew.. that was a whole lot of "ings". Anyway, on days such as this one (um, which is prety much almost every day) I twist my hair up into a pony tail and that is about it. Do any of these "things" I am doing require much more beauty than that? Nope, I don't think so. And hopefully neither do those lucky individuals who encounter my unkempt self on a daily basis.
Deep Thought #3- What is the fascination with the pantry? All 3 of my children are absolutely in love with the yummy goodness that lurkes behind the pantry door. Especially the baby. All I hear is "I want a snack from the pantry". She could be eating something in one hand, and turn to me and say "I want something from the pantry". Really?? You want another snack before you've even finished or sometimes begun the one you JUST asked for. I think I am going to start walking around saying, "I want something from the liquor cabinet". Wonder how far that will get me?
Deep Thought #4- Since I've never blogged before, I am wondering if there are any unspoken rules to it? You know I would never want to offend anyone in the blogging atmosphere by committing a blogging "no-no". But, then I thought, who cares? This is my blog, my rules. Therefore, I will not edit or spell check my work. I will type as it comes to me and post. Does this bother anyone? If so, please stop reading.
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