Thursday, November 11, 2010

Tales of a Superwoman

This blog stems from the emails and phone calls I have received in the past few days since I started writing.  All very personal and different, however similar in the sense that they are so thankful to read something "real". One in particular struck a cord with me and thus begins my newest rant....

Quoting from an email I received, " Do you know, I had been wondering about the "real" you the rare times I
ventured on facebook... I would usually see a post from your hubby about where he was going or coming from or had been... very active posting that kind of stuff I think... and so I just started thinking about how often he really would actually be home... and bingo, I had a gut feeling you were the married single mom."

Hmm.. the real me?  As opposed to what?  I tend to think I am a pretty real, tell it like it is person. I do not
sugar coat things, and am the worst at being "fake" to people I do not care for. Trust me, it is not pretty.  In a
phone conversation I had with another mom referring to the blog, she said, you make everything look so easy.. Really? I do??  Again, shocked that I give off this perception of "Superwoman" if you will. I can hear the chuckles through the computer of my few close friends who get to listen to me bitch and complain on a daily basis.

BUT, the point I am trying to make is this.  Why is it so refreshing for others to hear someone admitting to
struggle?  I'll tell you why.  Our society, or our generation is obsessed with being the best.  Having the perfect life.  The smartest kids. The biggest house. The nicest things.  No room for flaws. A perfect, cupcake life where everyone is happy and life is easy and simple. Posting on your FB status that you have the best kids and the best husband and just made home made baby food so as to not poison your baby with the stuff 95% of the rest of us use. 

Yes, that does sound lovely, but that is just not real.  Why is everyone so concerned with other people?  And with what other people think of us? Why can't we all just be happy with our own life and not focus on comparing it to others.  Trust me, I am guilty of this as well, but I just don't understand where it all comes from. None of us are superwoman, but yet everyone feels they have to act as if they are the perfect wife and mother. It is a lot of pressure that we all put on ourselves. The competition is just insane.  And it breeds ugliness in people, especially friends.  I wonder what would happen if we all just kept it real.  Sure, I made banana bread today for my daughter who has begged me for weeks. Does that make me super mom? No!  Should I post it on FB to brag to my mommy friends who have zero interest in baking?  No.  I do things for my family because I want to and they want me to. Period.  Not for a perception it may give off.

I was having a conversation with my husband a few weeks ago about our oldest childs standardized test score results. Yes, he was actually in town when the results came!!  I was super proud of him, of course as any mother would be, but also had some MINOR concerns. I repeat, MINOR CONCERNS.  Of course, the MINOR concerns became GIGANTIC by the end of the phone train I encountered over the next few weeks comparing and contrasting 7 year olds. Yes, I am just a curious as the next mom, but certain things are just not meant to be shared. Close friends, perhaps, but others, not so much. Why purposely have a conversation with a friend when clearly one of you is going to feel badly at the end of it? I just don't get it.  And we ALL fall victim to it.  Through my sobs, my husband finally said, enough.  I do not want to hear about it again. Its ridiculous.  And then I remember why I married him.  He is the Yin to my Yang.  He calms me down when I am upset, especially when I get caught up in the vicious cycle of mommy madness. He tells me that all I should care about is our children being Happy.  And he is so right.  At the end of life, when we look back, do you think we will all be happy??  Happy we ran around for 40 +years trying to make ourselves and our children the cream of the crop??  Happy to have given off the perception of superwoman with super children? 

I am definitely not superwoman... you?


  1. Amy,

    I am certainly not Superwoman but I know that is how many others perceive me. It is so easy to think that someone else lives a charmed life, when in fact all of us are struggling with "something". I will be very interested to hear your comments after you see the "Race to NoWhere" screening next month. It is a vast look at how our society values perfection in everyone and everything....realistic, no, but expected none the less, and most of us have "bought" into it, myself included. I hope it resonates with everyone so that we can get off this perfectionistic and unsustainable wheel.

  2. Yes, I am guilty. Even though I surrender this over time and time again, it is like my right hand does not know what my left hand is doing. I say NO, and almost instantly start up again. Is it possible to be in this world and not be of it. I run like cray and all it is doing is distracting me from what my kids really need....ME!
    thanks I am a "superwoman wanta be" in recovery.