Saturday, November 20, 2010

Tales of a Loser

STOP IT. STOP IT. STOP IT. STOP IT. Pah-leaze!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  4:57 on at Saturday AM is just not ok.  I am about to lose my effing mind over this now.  Yes, it is fun to write about, and I am sure fun for you all to read, but it is not fun for me to be the only one up on the entire east coast every single day. Exaggreation?  perhaps? but that is how I feel every morning.  Especially because for some damn reason my hubby can easily fall back to sleep and I CAN NOT.  I am doing all I can right now to make him suffer as much as I am.  Her screaming (5:32), the glow of my laptop lighting the room, the click click of my typing, kitten is running circles around the room, and yet he is still asleep.

Well, was. Just caved.  Sent him in.  Control freak said as he opened her door "I'm calling mommy".  I really could not make this stuff up if I tried.  She is really something. The other day she was singing loudly in the car to her doll and I asked her to stop and she said, "I not talking you, mommy. I talking to dhis (this)". -as she holds up tinkerbell. Really? Where does she come up with this?  I mean, clearly she does not get it from hearing the way I talk to her siblings?  No, no way.  I am much nicer to them than that. I think. Aren't I?  Hmmmm. She must just be advanced.  Not only because of that.  Because she has managed to need her diaper changed already three times in the past.. um.... 46 minutes she has been up. One wet. Two poop.  Talk about control.

So, are you still wondering where the title of this blog is leading me?  It is leading you to me. The loser.  At least that is how I feel.  Or as one friend so delicately put it this week (love her anyway) "the grandma".  Being that I am up at the butt crack of dawn daily.  OMG.. tangent.  I was checking my FB page the other day because my hubby posted our fam pics on there and I scrolled down for a min to check and see what is going on with my peeps.  And I almost peed in my pants.  A friend from high school had an unfortunate experience with her plumber, perhaps a "viewing" if you will. and she called it his "coinslot". I laughed so hard I almost cried.  I have never heard someone use that term and I love it!

Ok, so back to being the only one up at the butt crack of dawn.  I am seriously physcially and emotionally drained by 5 PM every day. That is after being up for 12 hours.  I push on through the bedtime rituals, would never trust hubby to do it all by his self when he is home. Noo.. I need to do it. The children might combust if they go to bed 3  & 1/2 minutes late. Enter control freak.

There are so many things I want to do in the evening hours.  Go to target, run out for coffee, walk the mall, go see a movie.  I have these grandoise ideas at about 3 PM (ironically right around the time my babies get off the bus). Ha, dreaming of leaving the house.. such a surprise.  But, by the time I have done the aforementioned 3-7:30 time period of the day, I am spent.  There is just nothing left.  My legs are achy and I just want to crawl into bed and chill. So pathetic, right?  So sad.  You can feel bad for me now.  I do.  I also feel bad for my friends who invite me week after week out for a drink.  Out for coffee. Out to a movie.  My answer is always the same.  "I'm too tired".  Don't get me wrong, I always do it for a special occasion (have to drink caffeine at 4pm to muster up the energy), or if I feel that I've had a few good nights sleep in a row and can therefore can afford to lose a few hours. But on the whole, I am a loser.  I say no.  I think in my head, if  I go out tonight, I will not get home until at least 10.  Then my body will be too awake for me to fall asleep.  So I really won't go to sleep til almost midnight. Therefore losing at least 3 hours of REM activity. I need my precious sleep.  Mainly so I am not a roaring bitch at my kids the next day.  And because of this.  I know (strongly hope) these days of 5 AM wake ups will come to an end.  Some day.  Some month. Some year... I do not know when, but I know it will.  And when it does, I am free to move about the cabin. No, seriously, I can resume my night life.  LMAO. Like I have a nighlife??  That even made me laugh.  

So, I'll settle for being a loser for now.  Not forever. For now. I just hope my friends are still going to invite me out when the time for me to have a social life rolls around again.

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