Tales of change

It only took a week or so, but I thought of another New Years resolution for myself.  I guess I figured since the first one is going so well (Sunday night dinners with Nanny) that I would try a second one. Before I tell you what it is, I will tell you that I am in a constant state of soul searching and trying to be the best person I am. The best person for ME and for my family.  Anyway, I ran across another mommy blog this AM and it was one of those where you keep reading faster and faster because she was saying exactly how I am feeling a lot of times.   It's called "Motherhood Uncensored" and a blog friend of mine suggested it to me when I started my blogging adventure. 

I know I am trying to get to the point.  So, today (or yesterdays post that I read today) was about how everyone always judges other people and jumps to conclusions about why they do the things they do and how wrong it is.  Again, I am super paraphrasing here.. one because I don't want to get in trouble for stealing her idea (does that happen in the blog world)?  and two because it was many hours ago that I read it and I only have a vague recollection of what she wrote.   If I remember recorrectly she used a fab example of how before you have kids you always say, I won't do this, or I won't say that, or I won't be that mom or blah blah blah, but then when you actually have kids a light bulb goes on in your head and makes you wish you could take back all false presumptions you made about your friends, or even about perfect strangers.   I hope it is legal to quote her and I am apologizing in advance if it is not, but she said "It takes one to know one" and that is SO freakin true.  Once you are walking in someones exact shoes you can then pass judgements on their life.  But until then, we all need to leave each other alone!!!!

Anyway, what I took away from it and how it relates to me and my resolution is this.  I am a people pleaser.  Yes, I am strong willed in many aspects, but I am also the friend who always says, what do you want to do tonight?  No, I don't care, you pick?  And typically go along with whatever even though I am secretly not happy inside.  Why, because I am scared to stand my ground sometimes. I don't want to get into petty arguments, so I swallow my pride and go along with it.  Ugg.. my son is the same way and I hate seeing it through him.  And I know I am using silly examples, but it goes deeper than that.  And so, if I am found in a situation where I really do have a strong opinion (because honestly a lot of the time I really just don't care) I am going to say how I feel from now on and stop inconveniencing myself just to keep the peace.  You are not me, I am not you, so you may not understand why I choose to or choose not to do something, but that is not my prob.  And so that is my resolution. 

Someone I used to be friendly with when my big kids were in preschool said something to me once that totally struck me, and still does years later.  I don't remember the exact context of the conversation, but I think it had to do with how sometimes you may see someone you know and they may not say hello, even though you know that they saw you. Again, this is YEARS later, so that may not have been what happened but it fits here so ok. Then you feel all badly that they didn't say anything to you, or "ignored you".  Her wise words about situations such as this was that sometimes its not about YOU, its about THEM. Its not always about YOU.  And she was actually talking about me. I think I was upset about some stupid situation. And it totally made sense.  I always just thought that it was about me.  Another example: she didn't come out with us  to see a movie.. ugg she must not want to be with me.  Selfish?  Maybe. Insecure, Maybe?  Um, how about she just didn't want to go out that night and that it had nothing to do with you. I have learned a lot since that conversation, but I still find myself reflecting back to that conversation.  You just never know what someone is thinking or feeling or going through and sometimes (even though you think it does) it has nothing to do with YOU.

Sheesh.. this is getting long (as my hubby just said) and I prob totally went on a tangent, but to wrap it up here, reading that blog this AM made my mind spin about all this stuff and I wanted to share it with you.  And, I reccomend you take a look at her post (http://motherhooduncensored.typepad.com/) because I doubt I did it much justice. But I thank her, whoever she is for the inspiration for my blog today!

P.S.   My hubby just read this and said it was all over the place.. so sorry but I had a lot to say on this topic. Hope you people with estrogen can follow it better than he did (or didn't).