Tales of heartache

Uggg.. tucking my middle in tonight was torture.  Pure torture.  She of course was crying (although trying to hold it together) because I am leaving tomorrow AM.  Counting the days, counting the nights.. til our return... asking how and when she can talk to me... pure sadness.  Ugg, felt like someone stuck a dagger straight into my heart.   And the worst part is that I remember exactly how she feels.  I specificially recall feeling the exact same way when my mom had to go on a business trip when I was probably around her age.  It was terrible.   So the way she is feeling coupled with the fact that I have had a giant pit in my stomach about leaving them the entire day is making me question whether or not I am making the right decision to leave. 

Of course my hubby and I deserve a few nights away, together, as a couple, not playing the parenting role.. but just because we are away doesn't mean that we can get being parents out of our minds. To those of you who think I am being silly and do not understand where I am coming from, please click the X on the top right hand corner of your screen and close this page. I do not care how many trips others have taken away from their kids or how many times a month my hubby travels away from our family.  None of that matters to me.  The fact that I am leaving my kids is just heartwrenching for me, right now.  And since my darling spouse felt it necessary to leave our will and other documents on his office desk, I feel like I want to vomit. Hoping the Xanax will calm that tomorrow AM.

To end on a high note I wanted to share some fun tidbits from my baby girl.

1.  Yesterday, when she saw the snow and my oldest two in their snowsuits, she shrieked "I need my babing (bathing) suit too mommy".  Um, bathing suit + snow + 30 degree weather = not such a great idea.

2.  I got my nails done today for our trip to a flip flop in Dec location and just took my socks off.  My baby girl looked down and my toes and said "Bootiful (beautiful) mommy, that's like pink".

Love her.. she is really so funny. And I don't think she even tries to be, she just is. She has the ability to make me laugh consistently throughout the day. Gosh, I cannot even imagine our family without her in it.  What a blessing she is.. well, all of them really.   Ugg.. ok, feeling this blog taking a turn for the sappy again, so I will end now.

Prob won't blog in the AM.  Figuring I might not be in the best of spirits.   I am sure to come back with many fun stories to share.

Wish me luck and I'll see you in 2011.   Oh, and thanks for reading. I love that you care about my nonsense.